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Be Unique Not Uniform When You're Hurting ( Here's How)

Disclaimer : Before we get started, please note that all advise given is from experience only, I am not a professional in the fields this advise may relate to. As always please follow the advise of the professionals you are in care of. Nothing written here is designed to replace advise given by the medial professionals you are in care of. Although I have as much as possible tried to align with generally considered healthy standards, please exercise caution when taking any advise given, taking your own individual circumstances into account. Thank you. 

It's no secret that I like boxes, but people do not belong in boxes and they certainly should not be labelled unless they choose to be.

Today I am  choosing a label and in doing so, opening the door to healing and happiness and hopefully there are little nuggets that may be of use to you in what I share today.

Let's talk about pain management.

Oh and that label?


Hey you have to acknowledge where you are if you ever want to change right?

Right now I have to acknowledge that while there are many good things in my life, when I am alone with the silence at the dead of night, it still hurts inside.

I've never felt more vulnerable, it's easy to share my past, it's long gone and nothing I do now will change what has happened, but to share my pain as it's happening, that's another matter entirely.
Here's my reality in a few phrases:I' Obedience is better than sacrifice, but sometimes sacrifice is necessary also. I'm broken-hearted but Jesus can fix it. (not religion) Don't move on, move forward. Wolf bite. We can do nothing about wasted time, but we can stop wasting time. Life goes on. Regenerate.

Bottom line, I'm in pain and chances are so are you in some area of your life.

The uniform way of dealing with pain is textbook.

We all know what we should do, but the reality is often a very unhealthy emotional roller-coaster. Riding that emotional wave is like junk food for our emotions, it may feel good in the moment, but often times we won't think it was so worth it after the fact. Yet most people will choose to repeate this behaviour over and over again, even-though, the results are fleeting.

Emotions are important but living by them will only lead to more problems. So I invite you to learn how to live above your emotions and in doing so you will move from uniform to unique.

It is a good thing that many creatives can tap into what is happening with their emotions and express this in their work but the artist still needs to be in control. Everyone needs to have a plan to deal with emotions, because if you don't your emotions can cost you a lot. 

Here's my tips on things to include in that plan.

Accept yourself as you are, not as you want to be.

While it is awesome to aim to live to the standards of your best self, you're not there yet, so acknowledge and accept yourself for where you are now. Maybe certain elements of your personality will never change, so even though you are working hard to change, accept that some parts of you just won't and that's okay. No one is perfect, but it is still possible to find the beauty in your imperfections and learn to love yourself for that.

Know your defaults.

What do you do when something bad happens?
What are the signs you are falling into patterns you don't like about yourself?
Write them down, then find healthy alternative ways for handling your pain.

Be unique.

It's your plan to handle your own pain so include the things that you love in your strategy, for example, if you like me are a writer then maybe writing will help you cope with pain or maybe you would just prefer scribbling on paper with the music blaring, whatever works for you, as long as it's not harmful to yourself or others is fine.

Give yourself some time

You will need time to handle the pain in your own way, but also give yourself a time limit for this. Your emotions may want you to stay in a slump for days on end, but responsibility shouldn't be shirked if you are able to keep your commitments, then do it. It will save you so much trouble later, trust me.

Don't bottle it up. Let others help you.

I know  especially if like me you are the kind of person to want to handle things alone if you are able to do so, that it's tempting just to act like everything is fine, but the fact is we are relational beings and if you can share the pain with someone else, it's healthier for you. It's not weak to seek professional help if you think  you need it, it's actually a very brave step and should be applauded, but even before this family and friends are often more willing to listen than you may think and if like me, you believe in God, then talking to Him can help too.

See to you basic needs.

Make sure you eat something, get some sleep if you can and do things to help you feel able to handle the day. Pain sucks as does Jet, but neither of these last forever.

Let your art heal you.

The thing you are most passionate about often has the power to help you get back to normality and this can be a key to helping you move forward after something painful has happened. Time does heal, but you don't have to suffer every second of that it takes to do that.

Find the beauty beneath your scars.

Yes pain usually comes with much darkness but that does not mean that all the beauty in your life is stripped away because it hurts. Find the beauty within and outside of you, and that will ignite a spark of hope in your heart, which is enough to get up and move forward past anything in life. Just one spark is all it takes. So take that spark, and shine bright.

Use your pain, if you can.

Some of the greatest stories and art was found in the depths of very real pain. Maybe the world's next best novel will be birthed out of your own painful experiences. It worked for so many of the greats, it can work for you. Your life experiences are unique to you, maybe there's a story there?

Research. Take time to know and understand yourself and to seek out resources that are designed to help you handle pain and move forward in life.

These are just suggestions, you can take what works for you and leave the rest, I remind you this list is written from experience only, but if something helps then by all means use it.

How this plan may look in action is simply a written or verbal agreement with yourself that when you are hurting instead of running back to your default unhealthy behavior you will do x, y and Z instead which is much healthier and works best for you. It doesn't need to be long, just sincere.

Myrrh is an oil that has many healing propitiates, one day we will do a post about how exactly Myrrh can help when handling pain but here's just one more thought before we finish today.

The more myrrh is crushed, the sweeter it smells. Sometimes our pain can produce something powerful, brilliant and amazing, and I truly do believe there is beauty beneath the scars.

Anyway, that's about it for today's post.

Catch you next time, 

Love Hayley