Double Mirror

 

Is it possible to be drunk on shame?

Is it possible to be so lost in consequence, 

You no longer care of fortune and fame?

Picked to bits, but painted and polite.

Lost in the darkness, but shining bright.

How is this even right?

An invisible gag catches all these thoughts,

And I'm scripted for this roll. I'm bought.

I have to remember my training, 

Do only what I'm taught.

No time for free, I'm too busy being me.

I'm a queen of pain, 

Barely sane.

How is this my life?

I'm, a double in a single, it causes so much turmoil and strife. 

Don't even get me started on the rituals and rules! 

I sincerely think the alleged smart man that invented this is a fool! 

A word to those that think themselves wise,

Don't let the light trick your eyes. 

I'm, just about done with all this delusion. 

I've got nothing to loose, so screw the illusion!

The way darkness dies is by dragging it to holy light. 

Yep that's right,

I'm not the person you thought. 

So what!

Tell me someone in this world that is?

So then good bye Mr confusion. 

I've found a much better solution.

Jesus I choose you.

So please, be my next step show me what to do.

Copyright Hayley Esther 30 March 2021

Just ...

Just...

I don't want to write right now, but the boss says I must,

So I gotta make this work somehow.

I honestly don't feel like I'm even here. 

Yet somehow, my heart is full of human things, like doubt, anguish and  fear. 

I look flawless, the camera lies. 

And with every little secret, part of my soul dies. 

I started out so bright. 

Living in the light.

Trying to do all I can to live right.

But the day was a long time ago. 

I'm lost, in limbo in the night. 

At this point, why even fight?

I only hope God really is in the forgiving business. 

But after all I've done and seen, how?

So when you see me smile and act like all is well.

Please know I am living my own personal hell. 

I was blinded by the light. 

It appeared so pure and beautiful, so sparkling white. 

Then the boss introduced me to blue.

Can I please change my shoes? 

This path is not a good fit. 

I feel like I'm drowning, but  breathing, how is this real?

I gave my life to Jesus so long ago.

So God, I cry out from the depths of the darkness of my soul. 

Does sealed, really mean sealed?

Can you take a broken mess like me?

Can I be healed?

Then unexpectedly, I see his smile..

But I know not to trust as first glance. 

Too much unspoken and unhealed. 

So then if you are who you say you are.

Send me a miracle, I need to know I've not fallen too far.

Copyright Hayley Esther 23.3.21