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Hey guys, its been a hot minute since I've even been myself in person, let alone online! 😒
I know that isn't really something one is suppose to admit but alas turns out I really don't care about how I am perceived. 😎
I am what I am, but always in Gods plan.
Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm so done being depressed and pandering to the whims of this pandemic the world is facing right now.
You may think I'm talking about Covid..
Nope.
I'm talking about the pink elephant in the room over there eating peanut cookies. (and Lambi's Jaffacakes, she isn't amused.)
I'm talking about the pandemic of the pain of being stuck on stuck.
That is what it is, none of us can change what has happened. We just have to move forward now, but that's hard when we are so unsure if things are going to ever get back to normal.
We all know that alot of pain in a lot of difference areas has been experienced by people all over the world.
The big thing that unites us however, is that we are all in many ways stuck in between limbo, start and no.
The world has never been so collectively stuck with uncertain timetables because we have to be.
The thing is though, although it doesn't feel like it, this is only a season.
This too shall pass.
The world will be built back better, because nothing is ever wasted with God. Nothing.
Rest in that.
Before the pandemic, I built my career on being the authority on the art of change management.
The fact of the matter is though, few of us have ever experienced a change quite like the dominos currently falling one after another leaving our whole world in a pretty big mess that is Covid.
It's bigger than any of us, and so the content that comes out from me in regards how we navigate this change, (because, yes my friend I am still aiming to be the worlds expert on the topic of change so I can help you get back to your art) needs to be authentically awesome, full of life and actually work!
It is for this reason, that I have decided to tell you what has been going on with me, and then to talk a massive step back over Summer while I figure out the direction I want to take this blog.
After all, I live to firstly worship and glorify God with my work and secondly to bring joy to the world through the many methods of dealing with change that I have learnt through the challenges life has presented me.
Hayley does NOT do hypocrisy
I think there is a big difference between arrogance and confidence and so let me clear, I see it as a privilege to serve you, but I am confident through Christ that this is my calling.
That said, let me just briefly tell you how the current world situation has impacted me.
We are switching directions now
I have to be clear about what happened, because accountability to not go there again is so important.
So then, I admit it guys I'm a bit of a prodigal daughter. I have been grappling for so long now with some of the darker undertones in my sinful flesh nature.
See, I have had this dark secret for quite some time now, truth is once up on a decade ago, I fell in love with the devil.
Not exactly what a good Christian girl is suppose to do, but it's my reality, it is my past and I need to own it now, because here and now, and forever more I choose Jesus.
First, last always.
Anyway back to my story...
Satan always knows our door, and as much I hate to admit it, mine was a boy or rather the dark world of all things occult and outrageous he introduced me to.
I've always had a wild strike in me, this is where it was truly awakened.
It's taken this long to lock the monster in the missionary in the abyss of my soul. Its safe with Jesus where the beast can no longer rise and lead me to the kind of devastation that was the results of even touching that poison apple.
See truth is, we all have a dark side and it's not something we can just pray away, we have to be honest about where we are and Jesus can take it.
He actually wants our crazy, because it's only when we are truly honest about ourselves that we can begin the sanctification journey to be saved from ourselves.
So for the past while, I have been going through that process of sanctification, and finally now feel confident enough to say that I'm healed enough to get back to work.
You really can't speak in to issues surrounding what you haven't yourself conquered.
It has been a brutal battle to get my brain back. My demons are beat, my pride is pretty much hanging by a thread but at long last, I'm ready to get started with the next chapter of my life.
I officially surrender to the call.
I have to make it really clear here and now, that kind of depression, confusion, and just sense of formlessness is never and I mean NEVER taking me down again.
I have eyes only for Jesus now. He is my everything.
Not to be dramatic, but I live and die for him only.
Once I've written it publically, I have this thing in me that takes that as accountability to step and do what must be done. What Jesus would have me do.
Emotions don't get to speak when my morals have already spoken.
So then, truth time.
I am a melancholic, goth at heart with a very, very big heart for Jesus and people, and a need to be authentically joyful despite my darker side.
For the longest time, I struggled to marry together my gothic side with my joyful, fun and free spirit.
So for the past how ever long its been, that is what I have been working on.
It required a lot of self reflection and refinement but finally I have reached a state of rest and serenity with it all.
Now my next step is to write some lovely content for you lot!!
Haha in all seriousness, it is the Summer, I have so much work to do and school is out, so I think for now, I'm going to have to love you and leave you.
This post was a bit of a different one, I literally only wrote it for the people that were following my work pre-pandemic.
You will notice I only currently have two blog posts published.
That is by design.
I think both posts perfectly sum up where my heart and head is at right now.
I have to tell you, it's so good to be back!
I am so excited to get started on what I am sure will be a very bright future for all of us despite the darkness out there.
Hope is rising.
People can't steal your light unless you let them, and so for me it's time to shine bright.
Right that's about it I think. I'm off to rescue some Jaffa cakes for Lambi!
Catch you in September,
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