Dear life,
It's been a while since I have written to you, but honestly you have been teaching me so many lessons in recent years, I thought it was about time I write to you.
So then, let's skip the small talk and get straight down to it.
Emotions don't get to speak when my morals have already spoken.
I am a woman of my word.
I will stand by that for the rest of my life.
I'm honestly not impressed with the narratives and choices you have presented me with about what my life is suppose to be and how things really work... or maybe I am.
You will never know, because I was right before, giving up my voice was the best choice I ever made, I was so right it is much better than having it stolen.
Should have stuck to my guns. Lesson learnt.
Also
thanks again for reminding me why I spent so many years guarding my
heart.
I know in recent months I forgot certain important truths but right on cue, you gave me lemons and woke me up.
I
was lost, but now I am found where I fell and just in time for the
anniversary of the most important commitment I ever made.
As
you know, ten years ago today I got baptised and rededicated my life
to Jesus Christ.
This came after stupid teenage drama that I am sorry to say, I was stupid enough to repeat in recent years.
So
juvenile and so not the person I want to be.
Who I am most defiantly hates who I have been.
For reasons we both know I no longer give a damn about, I lost myself in wonderland, or maybe I chose to fall down the rabbit hole this time for reasons again, you will never know.
I will tell you this,
I had the best of intentions, but despite that, got completely deluded while chasing ghosts, when I should have been relying whole heartily on the only thing to never let me down.
I'm not stupid enough to state what it is. Everyone has their thing, I can pretty much guarantee this is a secret I will keep forever.
Anyway,
Actions speak louder than words. Fruits reveal our roots.
You will see by the way I choose to live moving forward where I eventually landed after all of your lessons up to this point.
What I will state once again because it remains as true as the day I said it is that Captain America still rocks.
This post was a younger far more naïve me, but even so I stand by the message of this post.
For the past X number of years authenticity has been incredibly important to me, but honestly I intentionally built change in to my blog because the authentic me doesn't want you to see her, but sometimes she does.
Change is my first love.
Only
those closest to me know the real me, and honestly that girl doesn't
have any attachment to this day, even though she really thought she
would.
My faith, if I even have any at this point, is never going to show up in my public work again.
As far as anyone knows, I'm allegedly a Christian but honestly at this point, I could be an atheist, a witch or something else unexpected.
Again you will never know.
I believe what I believe and I choose to keep whatever faith/religion/spirituality I have out of my work, so no more need be said.
Whatever I have or haven't done, its all valid. I have no regrets.
Life you are kind of amazing at teaching unexpected lessons at every turn. Sometimes you can be a little tough, but I am grateful to be where I am.
Its surprising how you do things sometimes, but just a note on something that did happen back in two thousand and eleven.
That was connected to said baptism because my baptism was a repentance. I was so religious back then.
I only have one statement from that time because I need to make this perfectly clear once and for all.
I dodged a bullet, because you sent me an angel in disguise.
Bringing this full circle when people get baptised they die with Christ.
Thing is though, death really isn't the end and it's honestly nothing romantic or fun about being dead.
Its the raised out of the water to abundant life that is suppose to be the selling point of baptism.
People can change their minds though.
I was baptised ten years ago today but only I know if I actually meant what I did.
Joy is the lifestyle, not just the love style and beyond that I really don't have anything else to say.
The past is the past, I can do nothing about it good or bad.
I'm honestly over it.
All of it.
I have people and things in my life that do make me smile, and I rather cherish whatever time I have left in this life, rather than dwell on dead daisies.
Life goes on.
It's time to walk it off.
Thanks for the lessons life, I'm not sure I ever intend to publicly write to you again, but I guess I should thank you for doing right by me even when I didn't understand it.
Sometimes your most painful lessons are blessings in disguise and sometimes said blessings are hidden in bitter sweet celebrations, which is what today is for me.
Even if I am not a woman of faith now, I am glad of the experience and sincerely grateful to be where I am right now.
Maybe this is just a refusal of the call, only time will tell but honestly I'm content, everything happened exactly as it was suppose to.
You knew best. I feel like this wasn't my best letter but honestly I need to draw a very clear line here and move on.
Guess it is true what they say, the truth really does set us free.
Enough said.