A safe place for the supposed apostates and the jaded souls lost out on the road.

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Friday, October 2

25 Things ( The Temple Living Addition)




Dear Readers,

I've not long just had my 26th Birthday so I thought today I would do the popular 25 things while I was 25 tag thing, I've seen this floating around both on blogs and YouTube so here's my take on it, including things learned about simple temple living relating to body, soul and spirit. I know technically this should have been published a few weeks back, on my birthday, but that day something very special happened, I got engaged!

Anyway, here's my take on this tag, hope you enjoy.
  1. Transitions are a part of life and can be a good thing.
  2. Gravy and chips is lush!
  3. I love writing more then ever!
  4. London does not have to cost the earth,even-though the culture would have you believe otherwise.
  5. Before you tackle a mental health issue,eat something.
  6. If you are going to go public about mental health issues, be careful.
  7. Music is in my soul.
  8. Be you.
  9. There is a big difference between holiness and legalism. ( post coming soon)
  10. You don't have to forfeit stability to be a free spirit.
  11. Jesus is still my best friend.
  12. Sometimes there is more freedom in silence than words.
  13. Work with your body.
  14. I regret cutting my hair.
  15. I can not pull off white, I am way to pale for that.
  16. D.I.Y beauty is awesome.
  17. People in London are mostly cold because they have to be not because they want to be.
  18. Pixar still got it. Inside Out. Enough said.
  19. Cap still rocks!
  20. Working together works better.
  21. A really effective method to let go of the past is the list.
  22. Diagnosed does not mean done for!
  23. The people in my life are amazing.
  24. Wisdom is better then knowledge.
  25. A calling is never just all about you, even if said calling relates to something very specific.
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Friday, June 26

Roar Faith!

So I guess you can thank my lovely boyfriend for the fact this blog still exists. At this point in my life uncertainty is my best friend  and I am so terrified of the future ( although also excited) and I basically feel like such a hypocrite given the amount of articles I've written on beating fear, that I basically just wanted to quit, delete my blog and run and hide! No seriously, when's the next boat/train/whatever in the opposite direction? I completely get how Jonah must have felt!



Great start eh?

It just goes to show that I am human too. I admit that as I write this, I am fighting the urge to click on that little delete blog tab I have open, I am tempted but I won't do it. This blog has never been about me, it has always been about helping others and honoring God through my writing and I can't do that if I delete the platform I've been blessed enough to use for my work. This is where my flesh gets crucified and I have to follow my heart and share what I believe God want's me to say today.

Just before I get into this, let me remind you this blog is a temple living blog, we talk about issues relating to soul body and spirit on this site. We've done roots now we are on the stems, which is the spiritual stuff and then finally we will get to the body bit and look at environment and taking care of your physical temple. That's the destination, but given my personality, I can't just get there, so right now we are on the stem, spiritual content. I do try to make a point of being respectful to people who may believe differently to me, but at the same time my life is designed to serve God and so I do talk about this where it feels right...today it feels right.

Anyway, moving on.

Back in 2012 I read Lisa Beveres book " Lioness Arising"  I mentioned this to a friend and they commented that they were pretty sure the Hebrew root name of Hayley had something to do with a lioness. I did my research and sure enough it was true, the hebrew root name of Hayley ( although it may also have other meanings) Athaleyah which means lioness of God. I was so excited about this that I decided to make Athaleyah my online handle, this extended to the website where I met my now boyfriend. He decided that Athaleyah was too long to remember so he deemed me Athy and has been calling me this ever since.  Every time he does, it serves as a tiny reminder of who I am in Christ, which really should be all that matters, but let's be honest it's not easy to not care what people think, especially in the beauty industry. I used to think that it was okay to care what people think, justifying it as just how the world works and while we are certainly not of this world, we still have to live here, but I was wrong. You see until we can see ourselves as God sees us, our relationship both with God and ourselves will be a little off, and this will have a knock on effect on our relationships with people.  

As I write this, I am thinking about the ladies event I will be attending a little later. I am miles away from home and I really only know one person at this event, and to be honest I am a little ( no allot) nervous. For me attending this event is a massive step of faith. I suffer with anxiety, especially in social situations, but God has not given us a spirit of fear and that's all that anxiety really is and so I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway....with Jesus.

I shouldn't be surprised that yet again God is asking me to walk by faith, everything about being in London and with my boyfriend has been about faith. The whole thing started with 20 seconds of insane courage to get on a coach from my home in  Wales to London to meet someone I had never met in person( my now boyfriend) way back in 2012 ( I don't recommend this, but if you are going to do this, then please tell someone where you are going and make sure you have 100% peace that it is God's leading not just emotion, pray hard I did.) This was incredibly unlike me for two reasons. Firstly I am an incredibly cautious person and secondly, I had a good few reasons not to trust that everything would be fine, despite the insane amount of crazy peace that captured my heart and made even my fears think twice, because I have a history of being abused by men, and yet here I was catching a coach to London to meet a guy I didn't know, because I had 100% faith that God was in it.  Since the every other puzzle piece shaped stepping stone has also been all about faith. The bible says that Jesus's sheep know his voice, but when He actually speaks it's a good idea for a sheep to listen to the shepherd because the shepherd has the sheep's best interest at heart. It is true there is a fine line between faith and stupidity, but nothing about faith is ever safe and yet it's the most safe and sane thing we can do to trust in God and walk by faith. The shepherd can see things we can't he's taller than us!
So that's about it for my story. Now let me share some of the lessons I've learned.

Faith Roars!

More often than not, faith requires doing something that is scary, uncertain and in same cases, seams down right crazy! It's common to feel as-though you must have a screw loose upstairs to be actually doing this thing that you are sure you know that you know God is leading you to do, but having had more than a fair share of these moments myself ( and still being in one right now as I look for more stable work/accommodation in london) I can definitely say that God is always faithful. If he is truly in something and he asks you to step out, he will catch you. He will never ever fail you, his word is full of promises  and God is not a liar, so you can be sure His word is true.
When a lion/lioness roars you hear it, it's loud, proud and out there. There is nothing small about a lions rower and there's nothing shy or small about stepping out in faith. Its radical obedience in the rawest form.

I used the example of the meaning of my name to prove my next point. God knows I'm a little absent minded sometimes, so He made sure that I never get to forget why I'm on this earth. To serve him. Being a lioness of God means a life surrendered  to the king of not only the jungle, but the universe too!

God always equips us to get the job done.

He is our provider, he love us unconditionally and a part of that love is provision. Now don't get me wrong, it is a partnership we are supposed to do our bit, but God will always, always meet our needs. I like the way one speaker said it, (although I can't remember their name so if you know who said this please let me know so i can credit them)
Do the possible and God will do the impossible. - Unknown 

Thirdly if you don't know who you are in Christ then you're not going to operate fully in your faith.

You need to know your lion or lioness to Roar  like one. If you think you're a lame little worm, when really you're a lion you are not going to be comfortable in the dirt and you're not going to thrive there.

God want's us to thrive! So it is imperative that we find out who we are in Christ, and let our faith roar!

Now I know some of you reading this will be thinking something along the lines of
"but Hayley I really am a worm!" or"I don't know who I am in Christ!" or maybe even "that's for everyone but me"
Dear friend let me help you,
You are not a worm or a chicken or even a silly little sheep, you are a lion/lioness and you were born to roar, that passion inside of you, that big dream that you think is too big to even get started, that was given to you by God and he has a plan for your life. The reason that dream is too big for you is because you were never meant to achieve it alone. God may call individuals, but he uses  communities and teams to make things happen. No one person can be an expert in everything, we all need each other and that is exactly how God intended it.

Believe in yourself because God believes in you and I do too and guess what?

 We need you. 

See this whole knowing who we are in Christ stuff, really isn't all about us, it's about the hurting and lost world that we are born to serve and Jesus wants to save.  We may think that low self-esteem is really humility, but actually it's a lie of satan to think that it's okay to dislike or hate yourself because what is in your heart will spread. If you hate yourself, you will hate your life and if you hate your life but refuse to let that frown be turned upside down by Jesus, then you really are not going to be as effective in bringing positive change as you could have been.
Maybe today like me , you are being asked to take a huge step of faith, remember you are a lion/lioness and rower!

Maybe you need to use your faith to trust God has got a certain situation and it's time for you to be a sleeping lion.

Which ever it is for you right now, remember  God is faithful no matter what, if He promised it, you will see it, and nothing, absolutely nothing can separate you from His love.

Raw faith roars so roar dear friend just like the lion/lioness you are!

Catch you next time guys,

Love Hayley

xXx

I'm not on my home computer and finding adding the reference links a little difficult, so when the owner of this computer gets in from work I will find out how to do it and add them a little later. 
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Friday, June 19

London It Is Then...

Have you ever had one of those days where you had everything planned and then God comes along and is like "nope, got something else in mind" and your left with a strange sense of inner peace, but with a tint of nerves like you just somehow know things are about to change??




I'm in one of those moments right now. As I write this, my bag is sitting on my bed, along with all the papers I need to quickly file to take with me as soon as I'm done writing this post. I am just about to set off for London again, just as I have plenty of times before, to see my amazing boyfriend. ( Ah the joys of long distance relationships) only this time, something is really different.

I am a strong believer that if you put your trust in God he will lead you and he speaks through many different ways. I always make a point of double checking that what I believe to be God is actually him, through the counsel of a few really wise elders, the word of god, the peace in my spirit and is there favor?  For example I was quite content in my PJs, all cosy on the softa at my Nanna's house when all of sudden I got the call to go to London again...now how exactly at this point I feel is really important for me to keep to myself, but after the fact, I will definitely explain myself a little more but for now let's just say I am about to take another 20 seconds of insane courage and follow the magnet that is pulling me to London.

As a result of this call, I did something very unlike me, You see I am scared of being out alone in the dark  but nevertheless  I left my grand mother's at nearly 10 pm last night, meaning I would have missed the last bus home, and so I had to get a taxi. Usually it costs somewhere in the region of £30 to make this trip but I had favor and the taxi driver allowed me to pay him a little less, since it was all I had on me at the time. I can't say how grateful I am to said taxi driver and when I find the name of the firm, I will definitely be sending a little something to say thank you.
Anyway, back to my story...
I got home around 11pm, and was able to book and print my ticket to London (with the help of my genius mother) and get the washing done ready to go with no problems at all.  I have absolutely no idea what awaits me in London, other then my amazing boyfriend and his  lovely family and of-course, church tomorrow, but I  really do feel like not recording this moment would be something I would regret, so here it is. I'm off to London again.

Catch you later.

Love Hayley


P.s I know the editing of this post is not great, It's roughly written and not what I usually do but like I said I really don't want to not have this moment recorded and I'm sharing it with all of you my awesome readers because when God does whatever it is He is about to do, I want him to have as much glory as possible. Writing about spiritual stuff like this is not really what this blog is about, but never the less, the spirit is apart of the three parts of a human being so occasionally I do allow myself to post things like this. Anyways enough rambling hope you all have an awesome day!!
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Friday, June 12

Shoes shoes shoes! - Making Peace With The Past And Moving On

Dear Readers,

I think this may actually be the last completely soul-based post from me for a while.  Although this is primarily a soul care blog, I feel that a big part of taking care of your soul is looking after your health and environment also and so that is going to be the focus from now on.



 I have really enjoyed these past few years, writing articles about the soul and personal development recommendations relating to it, but if you dig around in the roots soul just like the roots of a flower it's gonna get messy and you will end up coming across the same root sooner or later. At some point, a flower needs to break through the ground and start reaching for the sun, and at this point in my life, so do I.  Before this happens though I do have one final lesson I would like to share with you.

Time For Another Story

For the last few years, I have felt like I'm walking around the same old routine with certain issues and decisions in my life. I kept on making the same mistakes over and over again I basically was acting like a clown, attempting to walk in shoes that were far too big for me. How that looked is, I  was chasing a dream that was not only way bigger than me, but also not really my dream. I was living the life I thought would gain the most approval because I had a huge problem with conflict and not being liked and I really didn't think much of myself.  Recently, I tripped over my clown shoes and hurt myself so much I decided it's time to put them in the bin.
[caption id="attachment_1364" align="aligncenter" width="230"] Enough clowning around![/caption]
The next pair of shoes I put on was the running shoes. I had a "let's get stuff done" kind of attitude. I enrolled in a bunch of courses, set up a new business, got a new job, sorted out my home life (sort of) and made a decision I was going to do everything I could to turn my life around, it was great for the most part. There are some great lessons to be learned from running the race that life presents you, however, I have never been into sports, and again I tripped over my shoe laces and found myself face-down wondering what I'm even doing with my life.

That leads me to the high-heals.

I now hold myself to a much higher standard then I did previously, I don't believe in beating myself up about things, but at the same time, I will not accept less than working towards being the best version of myself either.  High heels can be painful, and it does take a little while to learn how to walk in them and even when you have mastered it, you can still fall over if you don't watch your step. It's the same with life. Holding myself to a higher standard is a good start, but getting consistent and watching  I don't slip up is an entirely another thing.
[caption id="attachment_1366" align="aligncenter" width="254"] Lady on a mission![/caption]
With all of this in mind, I got to thinking, what's the number one thing that could give me the potential of falling over? 
When I got really quiet and honest with myself, I realized that the one thing that had led to a majority of my past mistakes is that I was refusing to make peace with my past. I treated certain people in my life with less respect then they deserved because of past hurts relating to those people. I had walled up, that not only stopped people from really getting to the core of Hayley as a person, but also kept me locked in a very lonely cage with a big black dog called Jet (depression) standing watch as gate-keeper.
I listened to a song recently by Matthew West, called the list, and then as if by divine intervention the same thing was recommended in a book I was reading.  The concept is that you write down every mistake you ever made, or every event that ever hurt you and then you add a one-word emotion or short phase to each thing, you do this all the way through your life right up to where you are now, and then you make a conscious decision to forgive and release the people on the list, rip it up and move on with your life. I did this and I have to say it was one of the most freeing things I've ever done!
[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1pQrsUDjDU[/embed]

Before you put on a new pair of shoes, you have to first take off the old ones. In this case, those old ripped up shoes is the past. Make peace with it because if you don't just like a zombie it will come chasing you with the intention to ruin your life.

Old shoes, hurt, they are falling apart, they don't serve us anymore. The only place for them is the bin, it's the same with our past. Forgive for your own sake, make a decision that the past is gone and today is a new day and start working towards the future you want to have. Yes, memories will still come up from time to time, but once you have made peace with your past, it's strange, those memories don't really hurt anymore, they just were, but are not apart of your life and that's okay.  It's okay to not be perfect, it's okay to have regrets and mistakes and things we rather forget, we all do but carrying that stuff into your future will ruin it.


You don't need that baggage so let it go.

Sometimes yes, counselling and/or professional help is needed to properly put things to rest, there is nothing wrong with that, but at some point there comes a time where you can't talk it through anymore then you already have and it's time to accept that nothing you do or say will change what has happened. It's time to let go and move on and you are absolutely worth that.

Also, remember that there is nothing stopping you from doing better in the future, learn from the past, then let it go.

So in closing, I highly recommend that you make peace with your past and find a pair of shoes that fit you. Your soles and your soul will thank you.

Catch you next time guys,

Love Hayley

xXx
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Tuesday, June 2

The Running Shoes - Suicide, Depression & Fighting To Win!

Trigger Warning - Low mood, depression, pain, suicide, past hurts, written about with the intent of encouragement 

Disclaimer - As always I still recommend seeking professional advice as to the first course of action if you are feeling low or depressed. All advice given is from experience only.




If you have read my last few posts you will know that as of late I have been suffering from depression. Yet again Jet and his friends had me in a cage that was locked from the inside. (Jet is the name I give to depression because when it shows up for me it is usually jet black)Sometimes life throws things at us that we really don't expect. When this happens we have to decide if we are going to retreat within ourselves or get out there and serve others. It can be the hardest thing to push yourself to think of others when you're feeling really low, but it's the very thing we need to do in such times. I have learned some other lessons about Jet and his friends that I want to share with you.

1. Jet's best friend is a doubt. Depression and doubt go hand in hand and together with fear, they tie you up and paralyze you, so they can throw more rubbish at you and make you think you are unable to fight back.

2. Depression lies. When depression hits, the voices start. Those voices that say you're worthless or that life isn't worth living, it's pretty common knowledge that depression can lead to bouts of feeling suicidal, but what's lesser known is depression lies to us in other ways too. Depression can twist things in your mind, nothing is ever what it seems with depression, because you have a black veil over your eyes and unable to see clearly. I know from experience, I have done some pretty stupid things when listening to the voice of Jet and his friends. We can't blame all our stupid decisions on depression, but you best believe that depression can contribute to making things worse if you don't take care over what you say and do.

3. Depression loves drama, It's not uncommon to think that things are far worse than they actually are, just because you are depressed, but also it's not uncommon to fill in blanks with things that are not really there. There is a tendency to overthink things when you're depressed, purely because you suddenly have the time to do so because your mind is not actively thinking about other things.

4. Life doesn't care that you did something because you were depressed, you will have to deal with the consequences anyway because that's just a part of life. It can be painful, especially if you know that depression was the reason actions such as rejecting people, lashing out or just disappearing from the world for a while actually happened and you now have to deal with the consequences of something you did when you were not feeling yourself.

5. Depression is selfish. It seems to be concerned with your pain but really it seeks only to give you more of the same. I know this one may get a little bit of lash back and that's fine. I understand that depression can be a chemical/hormonal issue, but it doesn't change the fact that if you let it, depression will tell you what to do.

These are 5 lessons I've learnt from my last visit from Jet, I'm sharing them because although many people experience different things even when battling the same issues, at least one of those lines I've just written may make you think of something in your own life.

I'm trying to make a point here, we can justify it and rationalize it all we like, don't get me wrong I am on the side of those fighting to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. I know the pain of depression all too well, but the fact is, depression doesn't care about us, and its high time we fight back!

You see guys, there is hope. When you're depressed you don't think there is, but as I have stated before, sometimes hope is hidden. We can't see the beauty of a brand new day when we are too busy hiding under the sheets just wanting to give up on everything. Have you noticed that covering your head, be it by a blanket, your hands or something else, is the go-to position when you feel really low?


Depression loves the dark.

 Don't feed it.


Depression loves you to suffer. 

So take care of yourself.



Depression seeks to take you down.

 So take it down first. 


Fight to win!! 

You can, you think that you're too weak, but you are much stronger than you think and that pain you feel right now, is only a reminder that you are alive, you can make it. Get up, it's time to start running again.

How?

The number one way to battle depression is to make sure you have the right tools for the job.

Get armed!

 Knowledge is power, but only if you apply it. 

Get the right tools for the job. Invest in yourself. Know your enemy so you can work out how best to fight and get the right armour for the job because the battle is fierce!

  • This includes The right support - family, friends, medical professionals etc..
  • The right care tools - for your body, soul and spirit.
  • The right lifestyle for you, it's really important to be true to yourself and to allow your creativity, gifts and talents to be released into this world.

To be true to yourself, you must first find yourself, the journey of self-discovery may take you to some strange places but stick with it because after finding God, finding yourself is the most precious discovery you can ever make and it will help you fight to win when it comes to depression.

Chase fulfilment, but don't forget to let yourself be happy too. 

Make peace with your past, because if you leave anything buried alive it will stink and like a zombie, come chasing you in your present life ready to kill you and taking you kicking and screaming back to the painful places.

I don't know who I am writing this too right now, but don't give up we need you. You were born to solve a problem only you can solve. You were born with a purpose that goes far beyond this life, you can and will leave a legacy, but if you give up today...then the world loses out and the pain will not end.

Beautiful girl, the sun always shines brightest after the storm. Always. 

The Son always shines brightest after the storm.

Dude, you got this.

Stand firm, get those running shoes on and prepare for battle.

I don't know if Jet is ever going to get the message, the harder he and his dark company fight me, the harder I will fight back. The more encouragement, hope and love I will release into this world because I will not let Jet beat me!!

I wonder if maybe that's why life keeps throwing me this battle over and over again, but no matter the reason, I have resolved to fight to win, it was not an easy decision and fighting is part of the deal in the battle. Some days I really don't feel like it, and it is in those moments I must throw myself again on my Savior and allow my friends to help me keep my head above water. I want my life to be a living example that there is always hope.

Even if you suffer from depression, you can still have a fairly normal life ( whatever normal is) depression doesn't have to dictate how you treat other people, your life choices or your ability to work and chase your dreams. Yes I know it's hard sometimes , but that's why they call it a battle and here's a little secret about life, it's hard sometimes, fighting is a part of our makeup, we are designed to stand, we are designed to run and we are designed to win, the question is, are you ready to put away the excuses and get on with the race?  

A few days ago I didn't want to be here, Jet had me in a headlock, but now I am so grateful for all the amazing people I learned my battle strategy for Jets attacks because he didn't win. I'm still breathing and life goes on.

I know this thoughts day post is a little late, but like I said at the beginning iv been going through a horrible depression recently and honestly, it nearly took me out....nearly. I am back now though, stronger and more ready to fight than ever. Jet doesn't get to win in my life, not now not ever, but what about you? 

Aren't you tired of being pushed around by depression?

Then stand up dear friend, an army is forming to take down Jet and all his evil devices.

Are you in?

If you have any thoughts or comments feel free to get in touch, but for now, I think that's about it. I'm more than happy to pray for you if you send me your prayer request or to just listen if that is what you need.

Take care all, no seriously please take care!

Love Hayley
xXx
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Wednesday, May 27

Loosing Friends & Learning Lessons



I've been really struggling for a topic to write about that fits well with May Be, our monthly theme and the goals of my thoughts day posts. If I want to be authentic, then there really is only one topic that I can write about that fits these criteria perfectly.  So then, here goes possibly one of the most painful articles I've ever written on this blog to date. 

Generally speaking, I tend to keep my personal life to myself, you may get the odd bit of information in my letters to life but outside of that, I pretty much keep things to myself.  I'm like that in person too, you are far more likely to hear about something that happened years ago, rather than something that is happening now if I do share anything about myself at all. It's a bad habit, I'm working on it.

As a part of the intention of working on this fault in my personality, and the fact that my last post was about facing fears, I am going to kill two birds with one stone, actually, can we just stun the birds? I don't want to kill them..anyway back on point. This post is going to require a little vulnerability on my part, that scares me. 

So then, with all that said the let's get on with it.

Broken relationships can be really painful. Be it friendship, relationship, business partners or estranged family relationship, none of it is easy.  I've definitely experienced more than a fair few broken relationships in my young life and along the way I learnt some lessons that are worth recording, I hope this helps someone but honestly, my main reason for writing this is because I know how forgetful I am at times and I do read my own old posts, so this is written for mainly my benefit.

Welcome To My Journal.

Recently, I lost a close friend that had been a big part of my life for nearly a decade.  The reasons really don't matter, I don't think this person would appreciate me writing them on my blog, but bottom line there were two main reasons for the end of this friendship, people change (or don't) and a lack of wisdom on my part.

Here are the lessons I've learnt from this experience. 

When people know us well enough to become close friends, they get to see the good the bad and the ugly. Unfortunately, if we are not careful, the ugly can take over the good and completely ruin the foundations of trust in a friendship, and once that's gone the friendship is pretty much over.
Don't drag it out, if a friendship or relationship is clearly going to crash and burn, let it happen sooner rather than later and if possible do it quietly, without too much drama. There's a reason some people choose to use the slow fade when a friendship isn't working out anymore but in most cases the longer it drags on the more painful it is when the said relationship is finally over.
It's great when relationships can be reconciled, but it's not always possible, so if a relationship is pretty much over remember dead things stink, don't keep them around.
Hanging on to something dead will only cause bad fruit in your life.
Flies like rotting fruit, you're not a fly, let it go.
I learnt these lessons the hard way, I didn't let go even after the trust was gone, I did drag it out and that did make it hurt more. 

There are already some really awesome articles on dealing with losing relationship on the Internet, but nevertheless, here are my tips for moving on after a relationship/friendship is over. 

Remember that everyone is different, some people will want to cry it out and never talk to the person again, others will feel the need for closure and end up talking too much because they don't quite know how to handle the pain. Losing a relationship can feel like the person is dead, but it's the relationship that is dead not the person. It's fine to mourn the loss of a relationship, but try to remember the other person is still alive and deserves to be treated with respect. This includes giving them time to get over the loss of the relationship too, they may grieve it differently to you, they may need more time then you do. Alternatively, they may actually just not care anymore. They may choose to give you the silent treatment and you may never hear from them again, but that is completely their call, and it's not fair to expect them to respond if they wish to remain silent. Let them be. It may be possible to have closure at some point in the future, but don't bank on it, carry on with your life regardless. Don't settle in grief-land for too long that never ends well. 

It can be the most awkward thing in the world when one person wants to talk and have closure to walk away from a relationship peacefully but the other just wants to get on with their lives and never speak again. It means that for the one that wants to talk about it, they are denied a proper end of the chapter, and so they are more likely to find it harder to move on. In my opinion, this is cruel, but if you do find yourself in this situation, the only thing you can really do is take it as taking one last bullet for someone who once meant a lot to you. It's not an easy thing to bear, to know that you have no hope of closure, but remember all the good qualities and memories about that person and it will make it easier not to resent them for putting you through the screaming silence. Time is a healer, and although this burden may never fully be forgotten ( unless you hand it over to the one that is good with carrying burdens) it will fade in time. I know this because years ago, someone did this to me and I'm still dealing with the fall out of that, and now it seems to be happening again, I'm just glad this time I'm prepared.

This time, I can see it from the other person's viewpoint, everyone reacts differently to the end of a friendship/relationship and everyone chooses the path that is easiest for them to cope with any given situation, so there is no blame or lack of forgiveness in me this time, even though I am more than well aware that time ( and it's creator)  is going to have to be the healer on this one, and I may have to grieve for a little while but I can also take the lessons this experience taught me and see this as growing pains.

Don't grieve in silence, even if you don't want to talk to the person that you're no longer friends with.  it may seem like the most obvious thing to do, but for some of us we need the reminder, our family and friends are still there for us, and surely at least one of them would be more than happy to help you get through your loss. It's much easier to move on when you don't have to carry the burden alone. Please don't make my mistake and try to handle it by yourself, it will bring out the worse in you. Failing that there are support groups out there such as The Experience Project that is more than happy to listen and let you lean on them.

Focus on the things you still have in your life that you love. I may have lost a close friend, but I still have an amazing family, boyfriend and friends around me. Losing one person is not the end of the world, although at the time depending on how close you were it may well feel like it's the end of your world. Remember the lessons from losing this friend/relationship, and learn to guard your heart in future, that by far is the most important thing you need to do. Don't put anyone on a pedestal, people will let you down. 




Remember that just as suddenly as you lost this relationship, you may find another around the corner. In the meantime, take care of the people in your life you still have. Especially those of you that have neglected current friendships for the sake of spending time with a significant other. Having such a person in your life shouldn't automatically mean you forget your friends and friendships that are not nurtured don't grow, they die. It's perfectly okay to grieve, but don't let that grief overtake your life. Life goes on and so should you. 
I think that's about it for this one.

I know this was a little bit of a different style of article, but it just felt right for this season.

Anyway until next time take care,

see you next post,

Love Hayley

xXx
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Tuesday, May 19

Courage is only courage when you are afraid ( and other secrets about fear) Anxiety Talk Part 2


 

Hello and welcome to Hayley's little meltdown!  

Crisis averted, to see how I got a grip keep reading! 

Right now as I type this its the early hours of the morning and I can't sleep because I've just taken on some new challenges and I am petrified.

Somewhere on this very site is an article that I wrote about fear.  ( The Devil's Tool Box - The Hammer of Fear) 

That article was written well over a year ago, and yet the devil ( or dark-force or whatever you want to call the dark side of this world) still uses the same old tricks of the trade.

Fear is inevitable, we all know that it's a part of life. Since writing my previous article on the subject I've learnt a fair few things that I hope may help you face your own fear, and let's be honest I need the reminder!

So then some secrets about fear.

1. It is an illusion. ( Mostly)

Ever heard the old line False Evidence Appearing Real?
It's so true, half the time our own brains are our worst enemies. We build things up that half the time never happen, it's a lot of wasted energy and it doesn't do anyone any favours in the long run, but the devil (or whatever you want to call evil in this world) loves it! Watching you drive yourself crazy is one of his favourite things to do. Please don't give him the satisfaction! 

2. Fear is not always our enemy and it's not always the devil's fault. 

Fear can be a healthy reaction to dangerous situations. That's nothing new, but what about this, fear can actually help you grow. Think of it like a flower, a daisy if you will, that daisy is going to have roots deep underground spreading out to help keep it connected to the ground and find food and all that good stuff. If that daisy didn't get to stretch its roots out, it would just fall over and die. It's the same with us, stretching our faith is super important in order to make us grow, it strengthens our character and helps us become the person we were meant to become.

3. Courage is only courage when you are afraid. 

When you feel the fear and decide to do what you have to do anyway, you're living beyond your emotions and that helps with building courage in you to help face bigger challenges that will come your way in the future. Life tends to throw us a bigger challenge than the last one we faced, and it is only when you have the courage to face the first one that you will ever have the strength and character to face the next.

4.  Surrender doesn't always mean quitting. 


See there's a dirty little secret about control, ready for this?


Control is the same as fear,

it is an illusion. ( Mostly)

We think we control our finances, but unexpected bills have a nasty way of creeping up on is. A family member gets sick and we have medical bills, something in the house breaks and we have to replace it, or for those of you that have children, unexpected school trips, school fates, sponsored events and so on can all tighten the belt of your wallet really quickly.

We think we control our circumstances, but rags to riches stories exist for a reason as does the story of the prodigal son, and another such palace to the pit tales. No one knows how long they have on this earth and things and people can change rapidly.

We think we control so many things.

For years I thought that being super organised and meeting all the deadlines, being professional, kind, friendly and approachable were all things that equalled to being in control of my life. I had a nasty surprise when it turned out actually I don't control my life, circumstances can change in a blink of the eye and the plates will come crashing down at some point regardless of how organised and professional I am because that is a part of life. How I handle it when it does happen will teach me lessons I need in that season to grow, but right now everything is balancing just fine  ( well sort of) and there are other lessons for me to learn
You've heard it said the only constant changes?

Bottom line - Fear is only really a reminder we are not really in control so the best thing we can do to combat that, is trusting the only one who is.

Yes, I'm talking about Him, in the above statement, don't blame me, people always end up talking about what they love.


Final Point -When you are afraid of something, make sure you know the reason why you are doing it and make sure that why is your hearts desire not just a passing whim.  Tough days, fearful days and those oh so pesky just-want-to-quit days, are inevitable, but if you have a clear vision of a why you are sticking with something than those tough days won't make you quit and don't forget, each day brings a new morning, maybe tomorrow won't be so tough.

It's thought's day, I hope I gave you plenty to think about.

Hope you have a great day and catch you next time,




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Monday, May 4

Anxiety & The End of The World ( It's not what you think)

Please Note The Green section in this post contains a little faith-based content, please feel free to skip it if you're not interested in that.  
This post is about anxiety, please read with this in mind. 

Politics, religion, conspiracies and end times.

What do all of these things have in common??

I'm guessing you could give me a list straight off the top of your head, but the one thing that no one really likes to address these things is fear.

Every single one of these topics can cause anxiety. (I'm not talking general anxiety here, although these topics can certainly contribute to that too) I am talking the kind of anxiety that makes you so petrified the world is going to end it almost drives you crazy.
Side Note - I am a woman of prayer and I am praying this article falls into the laps of those that need it most, please if anything I am saying makes you think of a friend pass this article on, I don't really care if you or they subscribe to me ( although I'd love it if you did) I'm writing this out of a genuine desire to see people set free from fear so they can go chase a life of fulfilment. 
Let's take a look at how anxiety relates to each of the topics mentioned at the beginning of this article.

Politics

Here in the U.K we just had our general election and David Cameron of the Conservative Party is still our prime minister.  A lot of people here are not happy with this, for a variety of reasons. People are afraid of what this new development means. Well, I can understand why people would be concerned, there is one tiny detail we are all overlooking.  We're not looking at the bigger picture.

Religion 

Regardless of which religion you follow chances are even people within your religion have different opinions on things. People argue over doctrines, theories and interpretations. If you're not religious, you may still be fearful because of things people are doing/have done in the name of religion but again, we are all overlooking one tiny little detail. We're not looking at the bigger picture. 

Conspiracy  and End Times

I'm putting these two in the same category because a lot of the time conspiracies are about the end of the world or how some secret organisation is conspiring to control/end the world.  It's super easy to get lost down the rabbit hole just from the simplest of google searches on these topics. You start off wondering why something is happening in your home town, then somehow end up on some random site talking about how some popular brand of food or drink is conspiring to kill us or some famous person has sworn intelligence to Satan and has joined the Illuminati. It's so easy to get lost in this and start joining dots that don't even exist and this generates fear every time, but again when we do this we are not seeing the bigger picture. 
I have done a series called The Devils Tool Box ( It's in the lost tressure tab at the top of this page) I spent over a year locked in a cage of fear thanks for end times conspiracies but I got free and you can too, my series outlined different tools that the dark one in this world uses to try to stop us succeeding in life and I finished up with a post on end-time addiction and how to get free.  ( wow hayls we always knew you were crazy, saying it so you don't have to) 

All joking aside, what exactly is the bigger picture?

If you are looking at the thing you fear, you are not looking at the thing you love. Your passions, your dreams your goals will all be put on hold and that problem that you were designed to solve won't get answered because you're too busy focusing on things that are set and you have little control over. You can change the world by changing your world. Did you get that? I'll say it again.  You can change the world by changing your world.

Right then, now that's out of my system lets wrap this all up in a  pretty little bow shall we? 



Choose love, not fear.

The bigger picture is simply there are two forces in the world love and fear if you're not operating out of love you will operate out of fear and that just leads to more fear, pain and darkness. Add to the light in the world it's better for everyone, to do that you need to get your eyes off of your fear and on to something or someone much better.

I know many of you would say that anxiety is not a choice. Yes, I know that, but how you react to anxiety is a choice and part of that is choosing NOT to put yourself in triggering situations if and when it's possible.

Anyway, I think that's about it for this one.  I will write my practical tips for combating anxiety in a little while but for now, that's about it.

Take care guys







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Friday, May 1

My Secret To Beating Depression ( Here's a clue, Captain America Rocks!!)




Yesterday's topic for the blog every day In May challenge (yes, yes I'm behind again, insert really believable super amazing excuse here) was walk to the workday. That's awesome, walks can be really good for you for a number of reasons, but I will leave others taking the challenge to cover that.

Here today we are going to cover another topic entirely and again link it back into today's theme, if you haven't noticed I do love doing that.

Anyway, on to today's topic.

Depression.

There are plenty of articles out there, by people far more qualified than myself to talk about this topic and as always I recommend listening to the professionals. What I am about to say is just to help you get up and on with life when you really don't feel like it.(so you have the strength to go talk to the professionals or simply just to do the tasks set for a given day) It comes from experience and it's so simple it's super easy to overlook it when trying to get up when you have Jet (my name for depression) and his friends sitting on your head.

So what is my super amazing simple little tip?



When you're feeling depressed, walk it off.

Now to explain what I mean we have to go visit the world of Marvel for a moment. No spoilers I promise, but in The Avengers Age of Ultron, Captain America says" if you die, walk it off"

 I love Cap, especially Chris Even's version of him( insert Hayley's ramble about how awesome cap is here I deleted it for sake of time)  but I am going off point here.

Anyway, the advice to walk it off was to do with something completely different in the movie ( seriously go see it if you haven't you're in for a treat!) but it's also great advice when talking about depression or indeed mental illness in general.  Depression can feel like a living death, so for me, this line just hit home in terms of fighting depression.  So let's rephrase that.

"If you're depressed ( and feeling half dead or maybe even want to be) walk it off!"

Let's unpack this...


When it comes to depression what do I mean by walk it off?


Well, basically depression zaps your energy and makes you really not feel like doing anything at all, so if you have any hope of battling your depression you have got to break the routine. It won't happen straight away, and yes that jolt in the system may feel like you may as well be climbing Mount Everest, everything is so much harder when you are depressed, but just remember just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's impossible.


In past depressions my go-to position has always been straight under the covers in my bed, I want to hide from the world and I don't want to come out.

One time, I was feeling depressed, I went to go for my bed but misjudged the distance between me and it and fell straight on to the floor on my face. This little shock to my system made me want to get up and go tell a family member what happened, as a result, I ended up having a coffee with a family member instead of hiding in my bed.

I am NOT condoning hurting yourself on purpose, it is never a good idea and like I say this was an accident, but the shock to my system did give me a moment of clarity to make an informed decision about what I was going to do next.

Another time, I was feeling depressed and again I went straight for my bed, but moments after I had pulled the covers over my head, I remembered the incident I just told you about and so I decided to experiment with this jolt thing. I knew there was a glass of water sitting on my bedside table so I decided to grab it quickly and pour it over my head.

What possessed me I will never know but...

1

2

3

.........and quick before I had time to think,

I grabbed the glass and soaked myself and the bed with this cold water. What I had forgotten was that my window was open so the moment that the water hit my skin, the cold wind outside contributed to this jolt, it was freezing! ( I know, I know Hayl fails again)

It was hard, I had to talk myself into doing it but it certainly woke me up!

Again I found myself with a moment of clarity while I cleaned myself up ( hey I'm not staying cold and wet depression or no depression!) I couldn't go lay on my bed again because it was still wet, so that forced me to get up and go downstairs and start making dinner.

I learned an important lesson that day, just because you feel depressed doesn't mean you are depressed. There is a massive difference and the jolt really can help to find out for yourself if your depression is real or just emotional.

For those of us that suffer from depression, we can often time mistake feeling down for being depressed. It can be hard to tell the difference and this little jolt trick really helps you work out if this is just a passing feeling or you are actually going into another depression. At least it does for me.

There have been times where after using this jolt trick I just turned over and went back to hide, but that's how I knew my depression was real and not just emotional. Sometimes you will find yourself woken up and have a moment of clarity long enough to snap yourself out of it and back on to the task at hand, other times you won't but what you will know both times is how your depression actually is.

You have to treat emotional depression and chemical depression a little differently. Chemical depression needs professional guidance and helps a lot of the time, emotional depression needs human connection a lot of the time. Just observations, it may be different for you but for me, this is certainly the case.

Another thing I've noticed is real depression nearly always starts as emotional depression and if you can snap yourself out of it in that early stage, you are far less likely to go on the downward spiral to Jet (black depression) land.

An excellent way to do this is walk if off, literally. Go outside and walk around your garden or street if you don't feel up to going too far. Walking has many benefits but for those of us that suffer from depression it can be a great way to let the cobwebs out of your ears and the crazy talk in your head ( don't worry it's not just you) can get lost to the wind.

Please don't just take my word for it, I'm just sharing some observations from my own life, but I do hope this helps. I am going to release a resource list to beat depression soon. If you have any tips or tricks you find helpful please let me know below.

Take care and have an awesome day!



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