Trigger warning - sexual abuse, bulimia, depression and Flashbacks.
I will never forget Christmas 2006. I was sixteen and my then boyfriend chose Christmas day to break up with me. It was my first relationship and I was crushed.
Or how about Christmas 2008. When my crazy brain decided to choose Christmas day to remember that I had been sexually abused 3 years earlier.
Finally how about last Christmas, the first without my uncle and with a grandmother that now has Alzheimer's.
The point is I understand emotional pain in the holidays.
I've worn the painted smile for the sake of not ruining Christmas for my loved ones, when inside I felt lost, alone and emotionally drained from carrying something so heavy.
The worse for me was 2008, the pain of realizing that I, miss ' pure princess waiting on Gods best" had lost the most precious thing to me to a rape and sexual assault, was so painful I could barely breath.
My faith took a hit, I chose to carry the burden alone telling no one. It wouldn't be until the following May that I'd find the courage to share my story with my mother.
I knew God at this point but I still felt so alone.
I have learnt over the years however that our feelings lie to us, learning to live above them is a really important skill.
It's not easy though.
That said I have learnt some tips to manage the pain.
Tip 1 - Water. Stay hydrated. You may not feel like eating but you don't need a dehydration headache on top of what you're going through.
Tip 2 - If you can, share your pain with another person. Carrying your pain alone like I did is not a smart move.
Tip 3 - Let Jesus into your pain. He cares for you so much, and He's waiting to be invited in.
Tip 4 - Lean in to love. Love of your family and friends, love of the holiday, love of your favourite hobbies it doesn't matter, love will see you through this.
Tip 5 Journal with your favourite music. Trust me on this, it helps to get it all out on the page and the music really helps to experience your emotions in a safe place.
I sincerely hope that things get better for you, but in the mean time hopefully these tips can act like a plaster ( bandaid) till you can get some professional help.
Whatever you are doing this Christmas, I pray it will be a blessed one and your burden won't be too heavy.
Stay savvy sweetie,
Love Hayley
xXx
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