Just ...

Just...

I don't want to write right now, but the boss says I must,

So I gotta make this work somehow.

I honestly don't feel like I'm even here. 

Yet somehow, my heart is full of human things, like doubt, anguish and  fear. 

I look flawless, the camera lies. 

And with every little secret, part of my soul dies. 

I started out so bright. 

Living in the light.

Trying to do all I can to live right.

But the day was a long time ago. 

I'm lost, in limbo in the night. 

At this point, why even fight?

I only hope God really is in the forgiving business. 

But after all I've done and seen, how?

So when you see me smile and act like all is well.

Please know I am living my own personal hell. 

I was blinded by the light. 

It appeared so pure and beautiful, so sparkling white. 

Then the boss introduced me to blue.

Can I please change my shoes? 

This path is not a good fit. 

I feel like I'm drowning, but  breathing, how is this real?

I gave my life to Jesus so long ago.

So God, I cry out from the depths of the darkness of my soul. 

Does sealed, really mean sealed?

Can you take a broken mess like me?

Can I be healed?

Then unexpectedly, I see his smile..

But I know not to trust as first glance. 

Too much unspoken and unhealed. 

So then if you are who you say you are.

Send me a miracle, I need to know I've not fallen too far.

Copyright Hayley Esther 23.3.21

Apostate

 Apostate.

Now here comes the most tragic story, 

I knew the one shining in glory.

I've felt the warmth of love like no other. 

I remember the day I got pulled from the gutter. 

I stood up, with the help of my Lord.

But let's be real, then I got broken, then I got board.

I thought, rapture was imminent years ago.

Thirty years later and I'm still waiting for the start of the show!

Money answers all things, 

But, each time I lead a sheep a stray my soul stings!

I understand how Judas must have felt,

and now I'm awaiting a burning punishment for pain that I've dealt. 

But mercy is everlasting and I'm still here. 

Maybe grace really is a licence to sin, maybe I'm fine.

So, go on then dark one, for a billion bucks more I will take a sip of your wine. 

And yet..

Despite all that has been going on, 

If I'm feeling this convicted, can I really be too far gone?

Copyright Hayley Esther 19.08.2019

The Witches Confession

 The Witches Confession. 

They say Christian witches don't exist, but surprise here I am! 

Fancy a bottle of oil, a prayer cloth?

 Some Holy wine? 

For a price of course! 

If this didn't make me rich,

Do you really think I would be a witch?

The power is my drug!

The devil's just a thug!

Who says I can't play with his toys? 

I thought you said I could do anything through the strength of Christ. 

If I'm really honest, when I'm alone at night.

I know I've embraced Jezebel. 

You see I need protection from all the bugs.

They say raped not ruined but have you seen my life?! 

It's been so tragic, so full of strife. 

So what else is a girl to do?

I'm safe now, you can't take this girl boss crown!! 

I'm a witch on a mission,

 and the last thing on my mind is submission! 

Copyright Hayley Esther 16.08.2019

Burning Ivory Towers (How The Dragon Lost His Power)

Before we get started does anyone want to leave? 

 Okay that's the nerves in check. I have to be brave now and pull the trigger.

Let me start by saying that I am what the Father says I am. 

The following is designed only to make sense to those with eyes to see. 

I sincerely believe that risking it all is the right call. 

I'm super calculated, but sometimes you have to take twenty seconds of insane courage, throw caution to the wind and just feel the fear and fly... 

With that, said...

 Poetry time! 

Burning Ivory Towers 

 I made the one eye bink, 

So that you don't have to shake and wink.

This is the reason I came to this land, 

nice to meet you I'm a fire brand. 

Bought by the blood of the lamb of God, 

I'm aware my my path looks super odd. 

But you're welcome friend, give God alone the glory. 

I want only your liberty, not your praise. 

See I'm promised to this mission for all my days. 

I was born to be a light, so join me let's fight the good fight,

And finally make the shadow people say good night. 

Surprise! I'm not like Jonah at all, I'm actually a willing vessel.

Now walls of darkness fall! 

Copyright Hayley Esther 28.01.19