Daisy Change

Ode To The Ex

Oh you special little snowflake please! 

Do you really think I have time for that?

I'm living life in the fast lane, and nothing you say can change the facts!

I stand for something, so falling for stupid little schemes is just not part of the deal.

You may have had me wrapped around your finger once up on a time,

But nothing you say can draw me back to such an empty life, it's a trap!

There's a way out, I found it, but it cost me all I had.

To turn my back on that would just be super sad.

So let's just not shall we?

Do your thing, but count me out.

I have no need for your secrets, I have enough of my own.

I can't be bought, I'm already owned.

My boss is hidden in plain sight.

I was born to be a light. 

I know your petty enough to take my rejection as an invitation to start a war, but you see I'm on the winning side. 

So bring it on babe, don't you know I don't scare easily.

Don't you dare take that as permission!

I know who I am and I've got my mission.

I'm on level.

You are such a devil!

If love is a battlefield, I'm a captain lost without any hope of rescue,

But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Don't bother replying. 

You're words are of no validation.

There is nothing you can offer me in all of creation.

So in conclusion,

It's all so very black and white.

I'm flattered by your invite, but here's where we part ways.

It's the best decision I ever made. 

Thanks but no thanks, 

I don't have to blink on this.

Leave now, you won't be missed.

If you stick around you will just became a reluctant witness. 

Even if it costs me my life, I can handle my own business. 

Copyright Hayley Esther 31 . 05. 2021 

Just...

I don't want to write right now, but the boss says I must,

So I gotta make this work somehow.

I honestly don't feel like I'm even here. 

Yet somehow, my heart is full of human things, like doubt, anguish and  fear. 

I look flawless, the camera lies. 

And with every little secret, part of my soul dies. 

I started out so bright. 

Living in the light.

Trying to do all I can to live right.

But the day was a long time ago. 

I'm lost, in limbo in the night. 

At this point, why even fight?

I only hope God really is in the forgiving business. 

But after all I've done and seen, how?

So when you see me smile and act like all is well.

Please know I am living my own personal hell. 

I was blinded by the light. 

It appeared so pure and beautiful, so sparkling white. 

Then the boss introduced me to blue.

Can I please change my shoes? 

This path is not a good fit. 

I feel like I'm drowning, but  breathing, how is this real?

I gave my life to Jesus so long ago.

So God, I cry out from the depths of the darkness of my soul. 

Does sealed, really mean sealed?

Can you take a broken mess like me?

Can I be healed?

Then unexpectedly, I see his smile..

But I know not to trust as first glance. 

Too much unspoken and unhealed. 

So then if you are who you say you are.

Send me a miracle, I need to know I've not fallen too far.

Copyright Hayley Esther 23.3.21

 Apostate.