Daisy Change

 Trigger warning - sexual abuse, bulimia, depression and Flashbacks.  I will never forget Christmas 2006. I was sixteen and my then boyfriend chose Christmas day to break up with me. It was my first relationship and I was crushed.  Or how about Christmas 2008. When my crazy brain decided to choose Christmas day to remember that I had been sexually abused 3 years earlier.  Finally how about last Christmas, the first without my uncle and with a grandmother that now has Alzheimer's.  The point is I understand emotional pain in the holidays.  I've worn the painted smile for the sake of not ruining Christmas for my loved ones, when inside I felt lost, alone and emotionally drained from carrying something so heavy.  The worse for me was 2008, the pain of realizing that I, miss ' pure princess waiting on Gods best" had lost the most precious thing to me to a rape and sexual assault, was so painful I could barely breath.  My faith took a hit, I chose to c...

  Is it possible to be drunk on shame? Is it possible to be so lost in consequence,  You no longer care of fortune and fame? Picked to bits, but painted and polite. Lost in the darkness, but shining bright. How is this even right? An invisible gag catches all these thoughts, And I'm scripted for this roll. I'm bought. I have to remember my training,  Do only what I'm taught. No time for free, I'm too busy being me. I'm a queen of pain,  Barely sane. How is this my life? I'm, a double in a single, it causes so much turmoil and strife.  Don't even get me started on the rituals and rules!  I sincerely think the alleged smart man that invented this is a fool!  A word to those that think themselves wise, Don't let the light trick your eyes.  I'm, just about done with all this delusion.  I've got nothing to loose, so screw the illusion! The way darkness dies is by dragging it to holy light.  Yep that's right, I'm not the person ...