Be Unique Not Uniform When You're Hurting ( Here's How)

Disclaimer : Before we get started, please note that all advise given is from experience only, I am not a professional in the fields this advise may relate to. As always please follow the advise of the professionals you are in care of. Nothing written here is designed to replace advise given by the medial professionals you are in care of. Although I have as much as possible tried to align with generally considered healthy standards, please exercise caution when taking any advise given, taking your own individual circumstances into account. Thank you. 

It's no secret that I like boxes, but people do not belong in boxes and they certainly should not be labelled unless they choose to be.

Today I am  choosing a label and in doing so, opening the door to healing and happiness and hopefully there are little nuggets that may be of use to you in what I share today.

Let's talk about pain management.

Oh and that label?

Hurting. 

Hey you have to acknowledge where you are if you ever want to change right?

Right now I have to acknowledge that while there are many good things in my life, when I am alone with the silence at the dead of night, it still hurts inside.

I've never felt more vulnerable, it's easy to share my past, it's long gone and nothing I do now will change what has happened, but to share my pain as it's happening, that's another matter entirely.

Here's my reality in a few phrases:I' Obedience is better than sacrifice, but sometimes sacrifice is necessary also. I'm broken-hearted but Jesus can fix it. (not religion) Don't move on, move forward. Wolf bite. We can do nothing about wasted time, but we can stop wasting time. Life goes on. Regenerate.

Bottom line, I'm in pain and chances are so are you in some area of your life.

The uniform way of dealing with pain is textbook.

We all know what we should do, but the reality is often a very unhealthy emotional roller-coaster. Riding that emotional wave is like junk food for our emotions, it may feel good in the moment, but often times we won't think it was so worth it after the fact. Yet most people will choose to repeate this behaviour over and over again, even-though, the results are fleeting.

Emotions are important but living by them will only lead to more problems. So I invite you to learn how to live above your emotions and in doing so you will move from uniform to unique.

It is a good thing that many creatives can tap into what is happening with their emotions and express this in their work but the artist still needs to be in control. Everyone needs to have a plan to deal with emotions, because if you don't your emotions can cost you a lot. 

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Here's my tips on things to include in that plan.

Accept yourself as you are, not as you want to be.

While it is awesome to aim to live to the standards of your best self, you're not there yet, so acknowledge and accept yourself for where you are now. Maybe certain elements of your personality will never change, so even though you are working hard to change, accept that some parts of you just won't and that's okay. No one is perfect, but it is still possible to find the beauty in your imperfections and learn to love yourself for that.

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Know your defaults.

What do you do when something bad happens?
What are the signs you are falling into patterns you don't like about yourself?
Write them down, then find healthy alternative ways for handling your pain.

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Be unique.

It's your plan to handle your own pain so include the things that you love in your strategy, for example, if you like me are a writer then maybe writing will help you cope with pain or maybe you would just prefer scribbling on paper with the music blaring, whatever works for you, as long as it's not harmful to yourself or others is fine.

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Give yourself some time

You will need time to handle the pain in your own way, but also give yourself a time limit for this. Your emotions may want you to stay in a slump for days on end, but responsibility shouldn't be shirked if you are able to keep your commitments, then do it. It will save you so much trouble later, trust me.

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Don't bottle it up. Let others help you.

I know  especially if like me you are the kind of person to want to handle things alone if you are able to do so, that it's tempting just to act like everything is fine, but the fact is we are relational beings and if you can share the pain with someone else, it's healthier for you. It's not weak to seek professional help if you think  you need it, it's actually a very brave step and should be applauded, but even before this family and friends are often more willing to listen than you may think and if like me, you believe in God, then talking to Him can help too.

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See to you basic needs.

Make sure you eat something, get some sleep if you can and do things to help you feel able to handle the day. Pain sucks as does Jet, but neither of these last forever.

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Let your art heal you.

The thing you are most passionate about often has the power to help you get back to normality and this can be a key to helping you move forward after something painful has happened. Time does heal, but you don't have to suffer every second of that it takes to do that.

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Find the beauty beneath your scars.

Yes pain usually comes with much darkness but that does not mean that all the beauty in your life is stripped away because it hurts. Find the beauty within and outside of you, and that will ignite a spark of hope in your heart, which is enough to get up and move forward past anything in life. Just one spark is all it takes. So take that spark, and shine bright.

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Use your pain, if you can.

Some of the greatest stories and art was found in the depths of very real pain. Maybe the world's next best novel will be birthed out of your own painful experiences. It worked for so many of the greats, it can work for you. Your life experiences are unique to you, maybe there's a story there?

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Research. Take time to know and understand yourself and to seek out resources that are designed to help you handle pain and move forward in life.

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These are just suggestions, you can take what works for you and leave the rest, I remind you this list is written from experience only, but if something helps then by all means use it.

How this plan may look in action is simply a written or verbal agreement with yourself that when you are hurting instead of running back to your default unhealthy behavior you will do x, y and Z instead which is much healthier and works best for you. It doesn't need to be long, just sincere.

Myrrh is an oil that has many healing propitiates, one day we will do a post about how exactly Myrrh can help when handling pain but here's just one more thought before we finish today.

The more myrrh is crushed, the sweeter it smells. Sometimes our pain can produce something powerful, brilliant and amazing, and I truly do believe there is beauty beneath the scars.

Anyway, that's about it for today's post.

Catch you next time, 

Love Hayley

xXx 

Move From Guilt To Passion

Nothing we do is one-dimensional. (typical INFJ'S. yes both of us)

Today  we are talking about moving from guilt to passion.

Our passion for creativity and more than that the drive to consistently put our art out there, comes from our faith in God and how we view this.

Believers in God are not our target audience, we just want to promote good art and help other artists find the tools they need to keep working on their craft.

Today, just this once, we are going to share why we believe what we do, and how this enables us to get past guilt and other negative emotions, and live our passion, with all that we are.

Story Time

When I was a little girl, I was very bold in my faith. My first word was hallelujah, so that right there tells you the kind of environment I grew up in. My  grandfather was a Reverend of the gospel, my parents were both very active in church and I was often invited to sing, at 3 years old standing on the tables at full gospel meetings, (complete with my little Laura Ashley dresses and little white ankle socks)  I had no fear and this boldness in my faith continued right into my teens. Then in the space of a year when I was 14 disaster struck.  The way I like to word this season of my life is this: Jesus gave me beauty for ashes. He took a broken little girl and turned her into a confident, strong woman. I choose not to talk too much about my testimony on this site but one thing that my experiences through this time taught me, I really do want to share with you today.

It is important to stand up for what you believe in but it is also important to be wise about how you do it. 

Think of Queen Esther for example, she fed her man before telling him what she wanted, she didn't just spring it on him, and what's more, she took the time to fast and pray and seek wise counsel before she even got to the throne room.

For the sake of space, I am not going to give another example, but the bible is full of examples of people who understood that faith and walking with lady wisdom, go hand in hand. King Solomon is obviously the poster child of this, just check out Proverbs.

Sometimes, words are needed to communicate the message you are trying to get across, but most of the time, how you conduct your life is enough to show people there is something different about you. 

I have learned that while there is a place for evangelism, when a person comes to you asking questions about your faith they are far more likely to actually let the seed  grow within their hearts. 

We do need to be careful about how we spend our time, if you are banging your head against the wall trying to get a stubborn loved one to see the sense of the gospel, then chances are their heart is just not ready to receive it and you would be much better off, just praying for them and focusing on the task that God has given YOU to do, even if that is to master your craft and release your art into this world.

Saving people, is kind of what God does, so you can leave your loved one in no better hands than His.

You don't need to feel guilty or responsible for the salvation of a loved one, no matter how close they are to you, you are not God, He alone can change hearts. Your job is to love them not try to change them love them as they are, pray and focus on the task God has given YOU to do.

Cast your cares on Him, then get back to work!

I have stated before that words are rarely needed to share the gospel, the same can be said for worship. In Luke 7 we meet a woman who used no words but worshiped Jesus with her actions. I am going to recommend  John Grey: No Words Needed  if your struggle with the guilt of things you have done, stands in the way of advancing your relationship with Jesus/God, even if that by advancing this relationship for you, simply means starting it. John Grey is a comedian, his words are gilded with grace, humour and joy and yet he is still able to communicate truth in a very down to earth way. ( don't be put off by the length of that message, how many rubbish movies have you wasted hours on, it could be 42 minutes to change your life, and if what you got going on right now isn't working then why not give it a chance)

The woman with the alabaster jar/box said nothing, but her actions spoke of worship and love for Jesus, He forgave her freely and showed her nothing but kindness, despite the fact the religious leaders of the day looked down on her because of what she was. She understood what it means to worship him, but no words were needed to do this and she was accepted just the way she was.

Move From Law To Grace

To be completely honest, there was a time when I would beat myself up if I couldn't get my posts out on time to the best of my ability. I would second guess elements of my post over and over until eventually, a lot of my work wound up in the bin and never got posted.

In reality, it's actually more important to post something that may have some nuggets of special rock and serve you our awesome readers, with consistent articles, rather than getting hung up on making the post perfect.

By beating myself up for not posting the perfect post, I lock myself in a self-made legalistic cage that if I am not careful, has the power to make me feel so inadequate about my writing that I delete this blog and give it all up just like that. 

This self-made legalistic cage is honestly something I have struggled with for a long time. I am one of those people who wants to give both quality and quantity and I get very cross with myself if I can't reach this mark, especially with my writing.

At least, I used to.

I still believe that quality and quantity are both important, but there is a difference between quality posts and trying to aim for impossible goals. 

Now I have a little more grace with myself, I am a lot more relaxed as a person, and because I am calm I am more able to produce content that is good, at least in my eyes.

I know how hard I work on my posts and that has to be enough. I can handle pressure better because I am not focusing on all the details, but rather keeping my eyes fixed on the bigger picture. 

This is just an example from my own life, maybe for you, it's something different. The moral of the story is simply we should all be a little kinder to ourselves. 

After all, art doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful, now does it?

25 Things ( The Temple Living Addition)

Dear Readers,

I've not long just had my 26th Birthday so I thought today I would do the popular 25 things while I was 25 tag thing, I've seen this floating around both on blogs and YouTube so here's my take on it, including things learned about simple temple living relating to body, soul and spirit. I know technically this should have been published a few weeks back, on my birthday, but that day something very special happened, I got engaged!

Anyway, here's my take on this tag, hope you enjoy.

1. Transitions are a part of life and can be a good thing.
2. Gravy and chips is lush!
3. I love writing more then ever!
4. London does not have to cost the earth,even-though the culture would have you believe otherwise.
5. Before you tackle a mental health issue,eat something.
6. If you are going to go public about mental health issues, be careful.
7. Music is in my soul.
8. Be you.
9. There is a big difference between holiness and legalism. ( post coming soon)
10. You don't have to forfeit stability to be a free spirit.
11. Jesus is still my best friend.
12. Sometimes there is more freedom in silence than words.
13. Work with your body.
14. I regret cutting my hair.
15. I can not pull off white, I am way to pale for that.
16. D.I.Y beauty is awesome.
17. People in London are mostly cold because they have to be not because they want to be.
18. Pixar still got it. Inside Out. Enough said.
19. Cap still rocks!
20. Working together works better.
21. A really effective method to let go of the past is the list.
22. Diagnosed does not mean done for!
23. The people in my life are amazing.
24. Wisdom is better then knowledge.
25. A calling is never just all about you, even if said calling relates to something very specific.

Letters To Life 8 - Let's Talk About The Simple Life.

Okay life, I must have been walking around with a massive blind-spot since starting this site. You know I always reserve the right to grow and change, I think that you become the best version of yourself by learning from others success and failure and your own, and Daisy Change has always been built around the word authenticity. This is old news to you, but you recently taught me a lesson that changes the game of how I see the rest of my life and the overall direction of how I want my blog to go.

There is a massive difference between authenticity, perfection and saying too much. I intend to write a post about this as part of my April series so I won't bore you with the details right now.

Here's the last overly TMI statement to ever be written on Daisy Change ( if I can help it) I long for simplicity but up till this point my life has been overly complicated, and I know I have contributed to this. I am currently sitting a tiny bedroom that is full of clutter and junk. I had a massive shopping binge at the end of my week helping that family member move. After sleeping on an arm-chair, not eating properly and dealing with the challenges of helping an older person move and live with them whilst doing this, I really did feel like I needed to blow off some steam! The new stuff I have is not junk, but I am determined that since I have bought new things that I have to get rid of some old things to make room for them. The problem is, clutter has always been a problem for me. Believe me it runs in my blood and I would love to blame that, but my brother  and certain other family members have worked extra hard to break the trend in their lives and I really want to follow that awesome example. That's the whole reason why I decided to spend a whole month writing about altering your life for the better. I am currently in the middle of simplifying my own life and in order to buck the trend of starting this process, finding something " I forgot I had but love" and spending hours on using said new thing, I have given myself a deadline to get my life simplified by the end of April.

Life we are now over half way through the month and I am beginning to feel the pressure of my own goal. I know I can do it, but I have lost a week working on this and actually in some respects my shopping binge ( which is really not like me) was  a bit of a set back.  I'm a little frustrated, but never the less today is a new day and I will get back on track today. Procrastination doesn't even get a look in, you know how I feel about that life.

Another thing I've been thinking about is writing a simple blog, should be far less wordy. Simple things are usually short and sweet but looking back on my posts they are rather long and in some respects a bit complicated. I don't mind my letters to you being long life, because in reality my letters are only a snip-it of the paths you have me walk but as far as my other posts are concerned, I want to set up a new policy to ensure reading my posts on advantage takes less than 5 minutes at maximum but aim for less than 2 minutes.  I know I worded that weird, but this whole simple thing is really something I am only really learning about.  I guess my blog is authentic in that it records my journey to simplicity as it happens. Then when I reach my goal of simplicity, it will be all about maintaining it and I will be in position to share more of what I have learned. In other-words, Daisy Change is only going to grow, just like a flower.

Anyway, I think that's about it, I'm gonna start tackling the boxes of paper on my desk now.

Catch you later life,

Love Hayley

xXx

Letters To Life 6 - Run Devil Run!

Dear life, wow what a roller-coaster the past few years have been. I've tried so many doors, failed and bounced back so many times, I could probably give Tigger a run for his money! I've learned so much in that time, you taught me some tough lessons, but I'm finally standing in the position I've dreamt of all my life. I know who I am and what I'm about but what's more I now know what I was created for. There is nothing more fulfilling then doing the thing you were designed to do, and now I finally get it, even my pain makes sense!
In order to explain what on earth I'm even on about I will have to remind you life of the journey you have taken me on that led to this point. As you know I just had my blogger birthday, in preparation for that I did something very dangerous...I googled my teenage self. Through doing this I was reminded of the passion and pursuits I had back then. It is true that for most of us, the most passionate we will ever be is when we are in our teen years. Youth on a mission is bad news for the darkness of this world, they can do real damage or real good if they put their mind to it. I should know, I use to be one of them. Somehow, between the pressures of growing up and typical early twenties issues like self discovery and just wanting to be young and enjoy life, I lost sight of the causes I cared so passionately about when I was younger. It's not that I didn't care, because I always did and still do, it's more that I forgot the fact I have a voice and that matters.  Ive listened to so many opinions in the last few years I completely lost sight of my own!  So then life lets remind you (and the future me  should I ever forget again) who I am and what I'm about and actually think about things.
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Go!
It started with a book.  Be the Change by Zach Hunter.  I read it when I was sweet sixteen, in college hurting because I had only just started my healing journey but so on fire for God and passionately seeking to make the world a better place, or at very least my world a better place. I had a burning desire to start a project to connect the hurting teens at my college with people who could actually help them. I wanted to make a difference and I wanted to stand for those that felt like they couldn't. I wanted to be an arrow or a hand, acting as a first step to recovery and helping people start their own healing journey and if they found Jesus along the way that was even more awesome!  After reading Zach Hunter's book. I did just that. It inspired me no end. In the time my project Beauty From Beneath The Scars was running we helped over 500 people get started on their healing journeys. It was challenging, especially since I had work, college, family and church commitments to think about and I was insane amounts of inner pain, looking back I'm sure God was in it and is the only reason I got through all that. It's still amazing to know that  this is my reality, and will forever be a part of my story. I feel so, so blessed and privileged  to know that but it's not enough. I'm still breathing and there is still work to be done and I really want to get stuck in again.
Anyway back on point, I put my passion for healing on the shelf for many years but now 10 years on, that passion has woken up inside of me and I can barely contain it!!
How this happened needs to be forever recorded in another letter, I genuinely believe my story may help someone else realise they are closer to the breakthrough they long for then they think.
So then life,  I will write you again tomorrow but for now I'm in London, the sun is shining and this little break was needed.
Catch you later,
Love Hayley
xXx

Letters To Life 4 - Finding Me in You.

Dear Life,

You taught me last year that sometimes there is more freedom in silence than words. You and i have many secrets and I think I'm finally okay with that. I used to find it hard to keep things to myself because I craved Peoples approval, these days though ,I am more than happy to live for the audience of one. 

 I'm learning what it means to be gracefully bold.  I didn't know that such a thing existed but it does.  

I am finally at a place where I can love people from both sides of the coin. 

I can encourage, inspire, compliment and build up in love but I can also speak the truth, even if its hard to hear, I care about what happens to those put on my path, both in this life and the next and nothing brings me more joy than loving people hard-core. 

Being prepared to get into the mess, not judge but gently help girls that are where I once was to a place where they can stand and look themselves square in the mirror and see the beauty that God created, there in their eyes. 

 The older I get, the more my passion for this grows. It feels life, like this is what I was born to do, so no more games than, there's work to do. I am on a mission and I won't quit until its finished!

I love you life, you are amazing!  

Your ups and downs all lead around this winding road to new challenges, new blessings and new ground. You and I know where I am right now, I never ever thought I would ever be right at this point. 

Yet here I am. 2015 is going to be amazing, I can feel it in my code! I know Jet may show is ugly mutt face from time to time but I will always fight to win and I am all in on making Daisy Change an encouragement center to act as spring-board to greater things for my awesome readers!

Anyways, enough talk, let's make it happen!

Love Hayley

xXx