Authentic Faith: Back From The Dead But Not Back Yet...(Taking A Break for Summer To Rebrand)

Hey guys, its been a hot minute since I've even been myself in person, let alone online! 😒

I know that isn't really something one is suppose to admit but alas turns out I really don't care about how I am perceived. 😎

I am what I am, but always in Gods plan. 

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm so done being depressed and pandering to the whims of this pandemic the world is facing right now. 

You may think I'm talking about Covid..

 Nope. 

I'm talking about the pink elephant in the room over there eating peanut cookies. (and Lambi's Jaffacakes, she isn't amused.)

I'm talking about the pandemic of the pain of being stuck on stuck. 

That is what it is, none of us can change what has happened. We just have to move forward now, but that's hard when we are so unsure if things are going to ever get back to normal. 

We all know that alot of pain in a lot of difference areas has been experienced by people all over the world. 

The big thing that unites us however, is that we are all in many ways stuck in between limbo, start and no. 

The world has never been so collectively stuck with uncertain timetables because we have to be.

The thing is though, although it doesn't feel like it, this is only a season. 

This too shall pass.

The world will be built back better, because nothing is ever wasted with God. Nothing. 

Rest in that. 

Before the pandemic, I built my career on being the authority on the art of change management. 

The fact of the matter is though, few of us have ever experienced a change quite like the dominos currently falling one after another leaving our whole world in a pretty big mess that is Covid. 

It's bigger than any of us, and so the content that comes out from me in regards how we navigate this change, (because, yes my friend I am still aiming to be the worlds expert on the topic of change so I can help you get back to your art) needs to be authentically awesome, full of life and actually work! 

It is for this reason, that I have decided to tell you what has been going on with me, and then to talk a massive step back over Summer while I figure out the direction I want to take this blog.

After all, I live to firstly worship and glorify God with my work and secondly to bring joy to the world through the many methods of dealing with change that I have learnt through the challenges life has presented me.

Hayley does NOT do hypocrisy

I think there is a big difference between arrogance and confidence and so let me clear, I see it as a privilege to serve you, but I am confident through Christ that this is my calling. 

That said, let me just briefly tell you how the current world situation has impacted me. 

We are switching directions now

I have to be clear about what happened, because accountability to not go there again is so important. 

So then, I admit it guys I'm a bit of a prodigal daughter. I have been grappling for so long now with some of the darker undertones in my sinful flesh nature. 

See, I have had this dark secret for quite some time now, truth is once up on a decade ago, I fell in love with the devil. 

Not exactly what a good Christian girl is suppose to do, but it's my reality, it is my past and I need to own it now, because here and now, and forever more I choose Jesus. 

First, last always. 

Anyway back to my story...

Satan always knows our door, and as much I hate to admit it, mine was a boy or rather the dark world of all things occult and outrageous he introduced me to. 

I've always had a wild strike in me, this is where it was truly awakened.

It's taken this long to lock the monster in the missionary in the abyss of my soul. Its safe with Jesus where the beast can no longer rise and lead me to the kind of devastation that was the results of even touching that poison apple. 

See truth is, we all have a dark side and it's not something we can just pray away, we have to be honest about where we are and Jesus can take it. 

He actually wants our crazy, because it's only when we are truly honest about ourselves that we can begin the sanctification journey to be saved from ourselves. 

So for the past while, I have been going through that process of sanctification, and finally now feel confident enough to say that I'm healed enough to get back to work. 

You really can't speak in  to issues surrounding what you haven't yourself conquered. 

It has been a brutal battle to get my brain back. My demons are beat, my pride is pretty much hanging by a thread but at long last, I'm ready to get started with the next chapter of my life. 

I officially surrender to the call. 

 I have to make it really clear here and now, that kind of depression, confusion, and just sense of formlessness is never and I mean NEVER taking me down again. 

I have eyes only for Jesus now. He is my everything.

Not to be dramatic, but I live and die for him only.   

Once I've written it publically, I have this thing in me that takes that as accountability to step and do what must be done. What Jesus would have me do. 

Emotions don't get to speak when my morals have already spoken. 

So then, truth time.

I am a melancholic, goth at heart with a very, very big heart for Jesus and  people, and a need to be authentically joyful despite my darker side. 

For the longest time, I struggled to marry together my gothic side with my joyful, fun and free spirit. 

So for the past how ever long its been, that is what I have been working on. 

It required a lot of self reflection and refinement but finally I have reached a state of rest and serenity with it all. 

 Now my next step is to write some lovely content for you lot!! 

Haha in all seriousness, it is the Summer, I have so much work to do and school is out, so I think for now, I'm going to have to love you and leave you. 

This post was a bit of a different one, I literally only wrote it for the people that were following my work pre-pandemic. 

You will notice I only currently have two blog posts published. 

That is by design.

I think both posts perfectly sum up where my heart and head is at right now.

I have to tell you, it's so good to be back! 

I am so excited to get started on what I am sure will be a very bright future for all of us despite the darkness out there. 

Hope is rising. 

People can't steal your light unless you let them, and so for me it's time to shine bright.

Right that's about it I think. I'm off to rescue some Jaffa cakes for Lambi! 

Catch you in September,

How I Nearly Became A Me Too Blogger (and why I'm not)

Dear "socially acceptable blogging etiquette"

This isn't working I think we need to break up.

I know you have a lot to offer with your sponsorship's and other opportunities be they financial or otherwise,  but the thing of  it is,  being with you has caused me to lose myself and that is something I'm just not okay with, like at all. Not even a little bit.

Compromising on what I stand for has never been an option for me and yet because I got lost in your ever-climbing stats  and shiny monochrome template, I somehow forget that.

 I forget that I have been brought up to stand away from the crowd even if that does mean standing alone.(if said crowd is going in a direction I don't want for myself)

I've learned a lot about myself during our time together and I have no doubt that there is someone out there perfect for you, but it's just not me.

I know that you like to know in detail why I make the decisions I do, so despite the fact I don't like to pull things apart, I will give you a couple of reasons as for why I want you out of my life.

You drain me. 

Bloggers have to wear so many hats already I don't want to add among other things working myself into the ground to gain a following that quite honestly I don't care about because they are self-interested, and most likely only followed me because they want me to follow back. 

You know what?

 I don't actually care about the numbers. I do care about my readers even if they are small in number.

---

 You stand for everything I hate. 

You know that I've never been the kind of girl to care much for formulas, sure tips to make life easier are great, but generally, I  live by standards that I have vetted and decided are right for me as a person. You stand for making money, which is not a bad thing of its self . 

What is completely wrong though is that making money is your main and sometimes only goal. Readers are nothing more than potential customers and you use them for this goal and then throw them out, unless they are likely to buy from you again.

---

 I  really hate "me too" bloggers!! - The formula of a black and white blog, blogger's picture on the right-hand side, everything uniform everything too professional and the content on said blogs is usually a copy-cat topic about something I couldn't care less about seeing again, aghh!

This just annoys me.

I know I have a simple format too, but I try my hardest to include as much colour as possible.

People that want my loyalty to their work need to produce something unique and interesting, and frankly I'm not interested in seeing the same shallow posts over and over again.

Just No! Please Stop! 

---

You are too controlling and I don't want the pressure blogging is supposed to be fun, and blogs should ooze personality. You pressure people into conformity because the fact is the likelihood of turning a blog into a business (or at least a part of one) without conforming seems nigh on impossible. Or at least you make it seem that way.

This makes absolutely no sense because in the world of business it is called a unique selling point, not a uniform selling point!

You make people feel like they have to be really "professional" in order to be considered worthy of readers, and that is not what blogging was created to be. 

Some people want to blog for fun, and that's okay but you make people like this feel like they are committing some great crime for not wanting to turn their blog into a business of sorts.

Oh and as for new bloggers?

Forget it! You have so many "rules" that new bloggers usually feel really overwhelmed and as a result, a really awesome would-be blogger may not ever get their idea of the ground because they are scared off by your etiquette and unwritten law

You big bully. 

Stop being so damn cold and unfeeling!! 

We all need each other and the little guy might actually have something to say.

---

So there you have it, you are too damn controlling, we have nothing in common and I don't care about what you care about so that is why I'm done with you. 

I will take the lessons you have taught me such as not being so wordy, remembering my grammar and spelling and making sure I share other people's content as well as my own on social media, but I honestly don't think there is anything else you can teach me and I really don't like you so that's it.

I hope you will be very happy with the blogger(s) that decide to conform to your rules and regulations but as for us,

We're done.

Ode To The Ex

Ode To The Ex

Oh you special little snowflake please! 

Do you really think I have time for that?

I'm living life in the fast lane, and nothing you say can change the facts!

I stand for something, so falling for stupid little schemes is just not part of the deal.

You may have had me wrapped around your finger once up on a time,

But nothing you say can draw me back to such an empty life, it's a trap!

There's a way out, I found it, but it cost me all I had.

To turn my back on that would just be super sad.

So let's just not shall we?

Do your thing, but count me out.

I have no need for your secrets, I have enough of my own.

I can't be bought, I'm already owned.

My boss is hidden in plain sight.

I was born to be a light. 

I know your petty enough to take my rejection as an invitation to start a war, but you see I'm on the winning side. 

So bring it on babe, don't you know I don't scare easily.

Don't you dare take that as permission!

I know who I am and I've got my mission.

I'm on level.

You are such a devil!

If love is a battlefield, I'm a captain lost without any hope of rescue,

But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Don't bother replying. 

You're words are of no validation.

There is nothing you can offer me in all of creation.

So in conclusion,

It's all so very black and white.

I'm flattered by your invite, but here's where we part ways.

It's the best decision I ever made. 

Thanks but no thanks, 

I don't have to blink on this.

Leave now, you won't be missed.

If you stick around you will just became a reluctant witness. 

Even if it costs me my life, I can handle my own business. 

Copyright Hayley Esther 31 . 05. 2021 

Double Mirror

 

Is it possible to be drunk on shame?

Is it possible to be so lost in consequence, 

You no longer care of fortune and fame?

Picked to bits, but painted and polite.

Lost in the darkness, but shining bright.

How is this even right?

An invisible gag catches all these thoughts,

And I'm scripted for this roll. I'm bought.

I have to remember my training, 

Do only what I'm taught.

No time for free, I'm too busy being me.

I'm a queen of pain, 

Barely sane.

How is this my life?

I'm, a double in a single, it causes so much turmoil and strife. 

Don't even get me started on the rituals and rules! 

I sincerely think the alleged smart man that invented this is a fool! 

A word to those that think themselves wise,

Don't let the light trick your eyes. 

I'm, just about done with all this delusion. 

I've got nothing to loose, so screw the illusion!

The way darkness dies is by dragging it to holy light. 

Yep that's right,

I'm not the person you thought. 

So what!

Tell me someone in this world that is?

So then good bye Mr confusion. 

I've found a much better solution.

Jesus I choose you.

So please, be my next step show me what to do.

Copyright Hayley Esther 30 March 2021

Just ...

Just...

I don't want to write right now, but the boss says I must,

So I gotta make this work somehow.

I honestly don't feel like I'm even here. 

Yet somehow, my heart is full of human things, like doubt, anguish and  fear. 

I look flawless, the camera lies. 

And with every little secret, part of my soul dies. 

I started out so bright. 

Living in the light.

Trying to do all I can to live right.

But the day was a long time ago. 

I'm lost, in limbo in the night. 

At this point, why even fight?

I only hope God really is in the forgiving business. 

But after all I've done and seen, how?

So when you see me smile and act like all is well.

Please know I am living my own personal hell. 

I was blinded by the light. 

It appeared so pure and beautiful, so sparkling white. 

Then the boss introduced me to blue.

Can I please change my shoes? 

This path is not a good fit. 

I feel like I'm drowning, but  breathing, how is this real?

I gave my life to Jesus so long ago.

So God, I cry out from the depths of the darkness of my soul. 

Does sealed, really mean sealed?

Can you take a broken mess like me?

Can I be healed?

Then unexpectedly, I see his smile..

But I know not to trust as first glance. 

Too much unspoken and unhealed. 

So then if you are who you say you are.

Send me a miracle, I need to know I've not fallen too far.

Copyright Hayley Esther 23.3.21

Concepts We Build On - Simple Temple Living.

Hey there, thanks so much for coming back, we are so very excited you're giving us a chance to share our heart with you today.

We like to imagine that our blog is a little house that we are building and we don't want this little house to fall down because we didn't take the time to build a solid foundation. That would be tragic, so please bear with us while we get this bit out of the way. 

We have a ton of really great content coming soon, but first, we need to lay some foundations.

So what is simple temple living?

Well, you may have heard of the concept already, but it doesn't really have a name in the wider world just yet, so for the purposes of this blog, we decided to con the term simple temple living

The closest concept that exists to this currently would be mindfulness, but even that leaves a lot to be desired when explaining what simple temple living is. 

Simple temple living is based on the idea that we are created in the image of God and our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. 

( 1 Corinthians 6 )

Even if this faith-based explanation doesn't fit your world view, that's fine because all we are really saying is that we are spirit, that have souls and lives inside a physical body skin-suit. 

We believe that it is very important to take care of these things so that we are able to chase the things that bring us fulfilment and be a more effective, helpful member of society. 

We believe that taking care of yourself is super important so for the first season of this blogs' content that is what we are going to focus on. 

Self-love for Bloggers

Dear Awesome readers,

I strongly believe that we are all three-part beings. 

We are spirits, with souls living in flesh cases called bodies. Your spirit and soul live forever, but your body does not.  This belief guides what I am about to say below, but you don't have to believe this in order to get the point of what I am going to share with you, I've just included my own belief for background purposes.

This is a concept I like to call simple temple living. 
This is based on the idea that we are 

OK, with that said let's jump into today's post.

Let's start by defining what I believe about each element of our three parts. I could be wrong, but this is how I understand things.

The Soul - Designed for connection with others, we are relational beings. It is also the centre of our emotions and if we hurt inside it's usually the soul that feels the pain.

The Spirit - The essence of you, your passions, creativity and desire for something more comes from this part of us. It is designed for connection with a higher power ( God) spiritual things that happen to us are often more real than this earth's reality. We are designed for relationship without a creator because we are created in his image, and this is the part of us that cries out and hears from God.

The Flesh - The car, or whatever transport you want to call it, that gives us movement and the ability to physically feel in this world. The bad side of the flesh wants what it wants, it is selfish and has no interest in a higher power, it hates waiting for things and has many sinful tendencies. 

If we have a relationship with God, this part of us will never ever want to have anything to do with it. If we allow this part of us to take the reigns of our lives and do what it wants, we will always end up in a mess somewhere along the line. 

The good side of the flesh is our body, it's not wrong to look after our bodies, in fact, it's really important that we do. Our bodies are the house for our souls and spirits and the first part of us the outside world will see, therefore it is really important to look after them, not to mention if we don't look after our bodies we will get sick. We know this, I'm not saying anything that you haven't heard before...but where I am in life right now I need the reminder and maybe you do too.

This, in essence, is what I call  Simple Temple Living.

It is possible to have spiritual, soulish and fleshly desires, the three intertwine and can war against each other within us, however, it is possible to get these three parts of you to get along, the next post is going to focus on how to do that.

For now, though, I think that's about it,

Hope you are all having an awesome day!